The Allergies Chronicles
by Kel of Mayhem
Summary: (1+2) What's this? The Gundam pilots have weaknesses?! How could this be?? But... what does perfume, chocolate, and _hamsters_ have to do with anything? Relena bashing, you have been warned! ::R/R wanted!::
1. Heero Yuy

*waves nervously* Hiya. This is my first posting in the GW section of FanFiction.Net *winces* Please be gentle. I'm a very fragile person...  
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me. If they did, there would be a LOT of sex scenes, Relena would die a thousand times, each a horrible death (like Kenny on South Park ^.^) Wu-kitty would be a girl, and there would be no plot. So be GLAD they don't belong to me, no matter how much I try. Otherwise, we wouldn't BE here. Because *gasp!* GW wouldn't be popular (parish the thought...!). Oh, and as far as I know, there is no such perfume as Vanity. Confused? Read and find out!  
PAIRINGS: 1x2 and 3x4. Wu-kitty has yet to form a bed partner...  
WARNING: Relena has more than one word *gasp!*, ear torture for Heero and Duo (thanks to Relena) and sneezing. *chibifies* Relena-lovers BEWARE! Author does NOT like the girl!   
  
Allergies: Heero Yuy  
  
Kel  
  
Part 1/5  
  
"HEEEEEEROOO!"  
  
/God... anyone but _her_.../ Duo Maxwell, pilot of the infamous Gundam 02, otherwise known as Deathscythe, tilted his chin back so his face was straight up toward the Heavens, begging silently that a god, ANY god, would get rid of the leech that was stalking his phsycotic koibito. Duo wasn't a very religious teenager --just because he wore a priest outfit and a cross didn't make him anymore religious than the next guy-- but begging God to preferrably kill the bloodsucking Peacecraft chasing HIS lover around sounded like a pretty good idea at the time.  
  
Again, Relena Peacecraft let out a horrid screech of "Heeeeeerooo!", drawing the attention of every person for a two mile radius. Dogs barked and howled, cats hissed and spat, and birds fell from the sky and landed on the ground in a heap. Apparently, the sound waves were too much for their poor little ears...  
  
Both pilots, used to the unbearable noise, sped up in step.  
  
Duo had been having a good day.It only took him three hours of constant begging and prodding to get his weary lover out of the stuff safe house and into a reasonably crowded area. From then on out, Heero had subjected to Duo's every whim; hell, they had even bought a _decent_ outfit for Heero to wear! /The spandex may be kind a' sexy,/ Duo had reasoned mentally, /but let's face it! They are WAY outta style!/ Ergo, the new outfit.  
  
That wasn't the only thing he'd managed to drag Heero into. After buying the outfit, he SOMEHOW talked the silent, serious bot into an action/adventure comedy; enough laughs to keep the braided wonder's attention, yet enough blood, gore, and guns to keep Heero seated. The explosions. Let the author not forget the explosions...  
  
After the movie, both boys --well, more of Duo than Heero-- went to the nearest pizza place in the mall and gobbled down at least ONE slice of every pizza from extra cheese to Hawaiian style. After they were well fed and energized, out they went, rotating between window shopping and actually _buying_ things. Mostly for Duo, however, our braided star managed to slip a few "somethings" for Heero. Not ALL of them kept the cashiers' eyebrows leveled, if you catch the author's drift.  
  
Then SHE came. The Hell spawn known as the Queen of the World. The title STILL sent strange, foreboding shivers down and up Duo's spine.  
  
"HEEEEEEROOO!" Relena glomped onto the stoic pilot, whose left eye was twitching ever-so-faintly. "I've finally found you." Duo cringed at being pushed away from his stiff boyfriend (not like that, you hentai! ^.^;), and at the sight of Relena trying to smile in what he supposed SHE thought was a seducing manner. Brr. Again, the author says 'BRR!'  
  
Duo gagged when a strong odor filled his nostrils, almost backing away from the Peacecraft. What a smell! It probably would have been a pleasant scent --he even identified the perfume as Vanity, a popular new fragrance amongst the female populous-- but it smelled as if the girl had BATHED in the stuff! Literally poured it by the gallons in a tub and _soaked_! It gave him a headache just breathing the stuff from where he was standing, and he wasn't as close as Heero was. /I feel soooo sorry for her butler... He has to ride in closed spaces with her... And Heero...!/  
  
"Well, Heero? Is there something you wanted to say?" He heard the ojosama ask in expectation. She probably thought he would praise her perfume. Duo winced again; he may not have liked the Queen of the World, but he at least knew how to be polite. Heero would most likely tell her what he summed up. "You stink, I feel sorry for your butler" and nothing more. As Duo looked over, he could see his koi's delightfully soft lips part slightly, his words at the edge of his tongue. Duo braced himself to run interference...  
  
... so you can imagine the long-haired pilot's surprise when instead of an insult, the great Heero "Perfect Soldier" Yuy... sneezed. /What the hell?!/  
  
"What the hell?!" Duo, of course, brings on a new meaning of "speak what you're thinking". He shoved the equally surprised nit-wit to the side and placed one hand on the short-haired boy's bare shoulder.  
  
"Hee-chan, are you okay? Do we need to get you to a doctor??" He was rewarded with another soft sneeze and a confused and baffled look from Heero.. The sneeze, unfortunately, sent Duo into a frenzy. "Oh, shit, someone call a doctor or something! Heero, how many fingers am I--?"  
  
"Duo." Heero sniffed a stuffy nose, and seemed to contemlate wether he should reach up and rub his itchy eyes. He gave up holding back and did it anyway.  
  
"Yeah??"  
  
He sneezed again. "Shut up." Duo deflated for a second before he brightened again, flashing a winning smile and a victory sign.  
  
"Man! I never thought I'd see the day..." He sounded mockingly awed, but in truth he sort of was amazed. "Heero Yuy. Sneezing! What an unlikely idea come true... Now, what the hell--?"  
  
"Heeeeeerooo!" screecheth Relena, once again pushing Duo away from his boy-toy. Duo, of course, wasn't very happy about the outcome. In fact, the author will go as far as to say, Duo Maxwell was one PISSED little Shinigami. No shittin'. "Are you alright?!"  
  
"Oi, ojosan," Duo quipped good-naturedly, despite his bad mood, "maybe he's allergic to you."  
  
"What?!" Relena had never been so shocked and angered in her life! Here was this uncultured _brute_ who had even SHOT her fallen Prince the first time they met (somehow, she conveniently forgot that her "fallen Prince" was trying to shoot HER at the time) telling her that her true love was ALLERGIC to her! How DARE he?!  
  
((NFA: Relena 1. lives in a fantasy world, and 2. is a spoiled snob. *both muses, for once, don't argue and nod in full agreement*))  
  
Duo hadn't quite meant that the way it sounded. Okay, so maybe he did, but he quickly corrected his purposeful mistake by hastily adding, "I meant your perfume, ojosan." Another sneeze sounded. "Heero hasn't been sneezing all day --heck, he never sneezes period! But he just might be allergic to the perfume you've been soa-- wearing." Oops, almost let that slip...  
  
Relena's face softened in worry. "Really? You think he is?"  
  
Sneeze. "Yep, I'm pretty sure," Duo deadpanned. Deadpanning wasn't usually his style, but it was a quite obvious answer that didn't need to be questioned...  
  
Relena slowly but surely began to reluctantly back away. "Yes, well... I'll see you later, Heero," she said formally before turning tail and sure-footedly pacing away.  
  
Duo waited until everyone was back to their businesses --they had drawn quite a large crowd-- before turning to smirk in amusement at his sniffling koi. "Well, there's goes your Perfect Soldier reputation, eh?"  
  
Heero Glared, but somehow his red, puffy and swollen eyes damaged the normal effect. Not that Duo would have been affected anyway; he was an expert at ignoring his comrades' own glares.  
  
"Shut up, Duo..."  
  
"Whatever you say, koibito. Now..." He pointed to a display, eyes sparkling in mischief, "about that shirt... You'd look fabulous in red..."   
  
  
* * *  
Kel: *sigh* One down, four more to go...  
  



	2. Duo Maxwell

DISCLAIMER: Hahahahahah! They're mine! ALL MINE!! *calms down and smiles pleasently* Actually, Gundam Wing and all its characters are in possession of Sunrise and their partners. I never funded for them, I never asked to borrow them, and I never thought of them until the day I stumbled across GW fanfiction. Being sued will be the least of mine worries, for ye will have nay owned my sacred possessions, for I have none. *pauses* Except my Pepsi stash. And I'd drink it all before you could get it anyway, so NYAH!  
PAIRINGS: 1x2 and 3x4. Wu-bear has yet to form a bed partner...  
WARNINGS: ... *frantically looks through a stack of sheets to see if there is anything to warn about* ... Damn. I love warnings... if I warn about --------- than the surprise will just... 'vooch'! *makes a hand jesture* Wait! Cocoa Puffs doesn't belong to me. Ohhhhh, if only they did...! But then I'd always get sick, as I can't handle the stuff well for some reason... MENTION OF RELENA!! Mwahahahah!!  
  
  
Allergies: Duo Maxwell  
Kel  
Part 2/5  
  
  
"Sorry, Little Q," Duo apologized the second one of his blonde friend's servants brought out the dessert; a gooey chocolate cake, smothered in chocolate icing and little chocolate chips and sprinkles covering the top of the three layer cake. It was every chocolate- lover's dream come true to have such a treat. Even the three usually closed off pilots were staring in some amounnt of desire.  
  
So they were floored when Duo Maxwell, owner of the biggest sweet tooth of the group, refused a huge slice offered to him on a saucer. Quatre and Wufei's jaws dropped open in shock, and even Trowa turned toward the braided boy in mild interest (which was a lot, if you know Trowa). Heero stared at his lover like he had put his hair in Relena- style mini-braids, dressed in a ridiculous pink dress, and pranced around the estate while screaming 'Heero' in a loud, drawn out way that only Relena Peacecrack --(nope, not a typo) could handle. Which is, if you think about it, much worse than growing two extra heads and claiming to be the Devil himself bent on world domination through the war. At least, that's what the author thought... for about five seconds...  
  
"Did Maxwell just refuse... sweets?" Wufei inquired bluntly, as if the concept was foreign to him. Actually, it was; Wufei didn't think Duo would EVER refuse something sugar-filled. Quatre nodded numbly, but knowing that Wufei couldn't see his physical answer, he simply muttered the affirmative and hoped the Chinese boy had heard.  
  
Wufei stood and glided toward the window sill without much hesitation and pulled the curtain aside, peering into the rapidly darkening evening. "That's funny," the Chinese boy mused loud enough for the others to hear, "I don't SEE any of the Four Horsemen--"  
  
"Har, har," Duo grumbled. "Wu-man made a funny. At least SOMEthing up his ass finally died."  
  
"MaxWELL!!"  
  
Ignoring the irritated Shenlong pilot, Duo continued, "Looks great, but I... um, I can't have chocolate. And that there cake," he pointed at said cake, "is pure, untainted chocolate. Tempting, but a definite no-no."  
  
Quatre tilted his blonde head curiously. "Are you on a specific diet?"  
  
Wufei snorted. "Maxwell's just worrying about his weight like a weak woman for once."  
  
"Am NOT!" Duo retorted childishly, crossing his arms and pouting. This act, of course, made him so kawaii, it should be illegal... Thank God it's not, eh? /And what the hell do you mean by 'for once?!'/ the braided boy griped mentally.  
  
"If you don't," Wufei said smugly, "then you would have no problem eating this." He picked up a fork and cut off a nice bite-sized piece, holding it up for an almost-drooling Duo to see clearly. "Come on, Maxwell. You KNOW you want it."  
  
((NFA: *sigh* Mind... meet the gutter.))  
  
Duo licked his fabulously soft lips and sighed in resign. "I'll eat HALF." /I'm going to regret this later, I just know it.../  
  
Wufei wasn't satisfied with Duo's answer and snorted to show it. "Woman." He wasn't against using barbed comments to get what he wanted, and by Nataku, he wanted Duo to break his diet! No matter HOW childish it was...  
  
Duo's gaze hardened in resolve. "Fine. I'll eat ONE whole piece." /No one but NO ONE calls Duo Maxwell a woman.../  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Utter silence.  
  
That wouldn't have been so bad. Wufei, Heero, Trowa, and even Quatre enjoyed total solitude and complete silence every once in a while. To them, silence was relaxing, something of a blessing with one hyper- active pilot almost always around. But none of them, no matter how hard they tried, could become comfortable. Because all five of them were in the same room. Duo had not moved since he had sat down. At all. The braided boy hadn't so much as raised an eyebrow. He just stared at the wall.  
  
And stared.  
  
"I don't get it," Wufei quietly ranted after thirty minutes passed. "Chocolate has sugar. Sugar makes people a little if not a lot more hyper than usual. So how is it that Maxwell has been sitting STILL for the last hour and a half?!?"  
  
Heero had apparently been wondering the same thing. Quietly he stood and slowly began to walk closer to his beloved. He kneeled beside the recliner that Duo would normally recline in. Instead, the braided pilot sat rim-rod straight. "Duo, are you okay?" he asked quietly, lowering his tone. Duo nodded somewhat stiffly, but the slight movement caused the color to drain from his face.  
  
"Yeah... Never been better," Duo replied meekly. Heero narrowed his eyes as an idea entered his sharp brain. He analyzed it and it processed, so he opened his mouth and began...  
  
"You are--"  
  
"Maxwell," Wufei interrupted, appearing beside the physicotic Japanese pilot, "what is the matter with you? You've been acting strangely since dinner ended!"  
  
"Yes," Quatre nodded with much concern reflecting in his expressive teal-blue eyes. "Is there something wrong, Duo?" Trowa stayed quiet, but his eyes DID repeat Quatre's question quite clearly.  
  
"Well," Duo drawled with a weak grin, "I'm very. VERY... allergic to chocolate." He winced at his fellow pilots unbelieving looks. "Right now all of my hyper-energy is going into making sure dinner doesn't come up and say hello. Sudden movements not only make me extremely dizzy, but very... nauseous..." As if making a point, Duo suddenly held his stomach and turned a bit green, his animated eyes glazing slightly. "Ohhhh... that was bad..."   
  
Quatre gave him a look of mixed curiosity and worry. "That's an odd allergic reaction. I always thought one broke out with rashes or pimples if they were allergic to chocolate."  
  
Duo shook his head slightly, grimacing as the motion made his stomach twist and dizziness obscured his normally excellent vision. "Nah, that's just the most common allergic reaction. I used to know this guy that could eat any chocolate but Cocoa Puffs." Quatre blinked, but the others managed to keep a straight face. "He'd have the same reaction as me."  
  
"If you're allergic," Wufei grounded out thinly, "then why the hell didn't you tell us?!" Duo gave the Chinese pilot an irritated look.  
  
"Would you have believed me, Mr. Women-Are-Weak-You're-Acting-Like-A-Weak-Woman-You-Know-You-Want-It Chang Wu-bear? Even if I'm allergic, chocolate is my weak spot. That and strawberries. Tempt me long enough and I'm munching down on the one food that makes me sick!" Nothing else said, the braided Deathscythe pilot oh-so-slowly pushed himself from his seat, his expression tightening with the internal strain of keeping his lunch from coming by for an early visit. For a second he just stood there, looking slightly dazed, before it happened.  
  
Now, let us --author to reader/s-- make one thing perfectly clear. The author loves Wu-bear to death; he's just soooo adorable to annoy! So the author likes to torture Wu-kitty and put him in uncomfortable and embarrassing positions. It's not onyl fun, but she does it to show her appreciation of the Chinese pilot (which is a pretty screwed way of showing someone they care ^.^). So you can imagine the great delight the author had when Duo last his lunch all over China-boy.  
  
"KI!SA!MA! MaxWELL!"  
  
"Eheheheh.... Aa, gomen nasai, Wu." Lower, sounding oddly pleased and relieved, Duo added, "I'm feeling much better, though..." /Hah! Kis-a- ma ass, Wu-man!/  
  
Oops. The author made a bad. Saa, there went a nice pair of starch white shirt and pants... Pity. But, oh, the power of controlling such an event feels so totally wicked...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	3. Trowa Barton

DISCLAIMER: Think of the possibilities... *dreamily* Duo and Heero... Heero and Duo... Girl-Wufei... Trowa and Quatre... Quatre and Trowa... No Relena (I don't hate the girl, I just don't like her much.) ...all the time. If only they were mine... *sighs as her dream abruptly ends* But they're not. Pity.  
PAIRINGS: 3x4 and 1x2. Wu-honey has yet to form a bed mate...  
WARNING: SAP! Oh, and it has a scene that I oh-so-wish I could do with Duo and Heero!... But somehow it comes off to me as a Trowa and Quatre thing. So this fic is basically from Quatre's point, except for the end. Too many times listening to that damn 'Hampster Dance' song... Please don't ask... ^.^;; Oh, and it's shorter than the other two.  
  
  
Allergies: Trowa Barton  
Kel  
Part 3/5  
  
  
It was a nice, normal day when they arrived at their new safe house. The golden sunwas hidden behind a pile of white, fluffy clouds, casting a shadow on the surrounding area. For a spring day, it was unusually cooler than normal; perhaps because they were farther north of the Equator than their last safe-house. Even though it was spring, no flowers bloomed that far north. The area was also conveniently deserted.  
  
Quatre R. Winner sighed in content as he placed his duffle bag on the bed he and his lover, Trowa Barton, were going to share. The place they were staying in was actually one of his sisters' houses. Said sister, Adra, was on a vacation with her husband and son, and she had invited him to use the house for however long they were gone. He and the pilots, in dire need of a place to stay, decided to her up on her hospitality and use the house.  
  
They didn't have much rules to follow, which made Duo pretty happy. The last time they used one of his sisters' houses, Rahja told them _specifically_, in a blunt manner, "No hanky-panky in the house." It didn't stop them, however, from exploring the gardens... and their bed mates. The rules were simple and reasonable; make sure they cleaned up whatever mess they made, no explosives in the house --Heero had looked a bit downcast, but Duo cheered him up instantly (as much as the boy COULD cheer up) by saying something along the lines of taking Soldier-boy's frustration on Oz -- not to stain anything, and make sure the animals were well fed. Trowa had seemed to liven up when Quatre came to this part.  
  
The sound of the door closing gently caused Quatre to come out of his mental musing and he turned, quickly flashing a sweet, loving smile at his tall green-eyed lover. Trowa's expression nor posture changed, but a light filled the one visible emerald-colored eye. The lanky pilot of Heavyarms gracefully moved forward and put himself before the shorter pilot, a small, almost non-existant smile gracing his handsome features.  
  
Quatre, delighted and encouraged, embraced his Europian lover. Trowa took his cue and bent his head low, catching the Arabian's lips with his own. There they stood, Quatre basking in the attention given by Trowa as the Europian's hands explored, prodded, pinched, his lips deepening the kiss that both wished would never end. And for a while, both pilots felt whole...  
  
Until Trowa suddenly broke off, turned his head to the side, and sneezed. Quatre blinked himself out of Cloud Nine, bewildered and suprised. He had never heard or seen his stoic lover sneeze in all the time they had known each other. What had prompted that sort of reaction?  
  
Trowa again sneezed, looking a bit befuddled and shocked himself.  
  
"Trowa-koi, are you okay?" Quatre questioned at last, moving so he was holding the taller boy at arm's length. Puzzled, he reached forward and placed one smooth palm against Trowa's forehead. "It doesn't FEEL like you have a fever, so we can scratch out most sicknesses." The blonde angel tilted his chin, an adorable frown on his face. "This place isn't dusty or anything..."  
  
"Aa. Don't worry about it, little one," Trowa replied quietly. Again the stoic pilot embarrassed the sweet blonde, but before they could begin where they left off, Trowa again turned his head and sneezed. Quatre frowned more in irritation and concern than anything else. He was getting FAIRLY annoyed with that...  
  
The blonde Arabian's eyes began to sweep the room, looking for anything that would make the Heavyarms pilot sneeze. Apparently, the other boy was allergic to something in the room, but Quatre couldn't see anything that Trowa could be allergic to that they hadn't used or been around before. Oak furniture, silk bed sheets --Quatre longed for those silk bed sheets and SOON-- silk curtains... animal cage...  
  
Quatre's eyes stopped their search and landed on the cage again. Could it be?... But the boy was around all kind of animals! Can a person be allergic to a specific KIND of fur? Maybe Trowa was allergic to the food pelts. Quatre couldn't imagine why. The pelts were most likely used in the same stuff in the circus. Well... what about the funny wood chips that were on the bottom of the cage? No, couldn't be...  
  
"Trowa," inquired the blonde slowly, his teal eyes moving up into Trowa's one green, "are you allergic to any kind of animals?"  
  
Trowa hesitated before nodding slightly. Well, that turn of events surprised to Quatre to no end. Trowa loved every and any kind of animal, especially felines and the such. The blonde would have never imagined he was allergic to ANY kind of animal. Who would? That was just something that was deemed... unlikely.  
  
"Hamsters?" Another nod. Nodding firmly, Quatre walked toward the cage and picked it up by the sides before looking inside. Two hamsters rested, one totally black and the other white and brown spotted. He assumed they were both of the same sex; from what he heard, rodents breed FAST. It wouldn't do good to have six or seven of them breeding left and right...  
  
"I'll be back," Quatre reassured as he walked out. Trowa's reply was a gentle sneeze.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Duo gave Quatre a funny look when the blonde practically shoved a cage into his hands. Blinking owlishly, he gave Quatre a silent questioning look with his eyes. The pilot of Sandrock sighed in... Irritation? That wasn't like the little blonde at all...  
  
"Long story," he replied tiredly. "Let's just say that as long as those hamsters stay in the same room with us, Quatre Winner will not be getting any." Duo's jaw dropped at the other's unusual bluntness, but Quatre pretended not to notice and went on, "Trowa would be sneezing too much. Keep those things down here, ne?" That said, the blonde quickly climbed the stairs, leaving a (for once) speechless Duo with a cage and poor Wufei, who had begun to bleed out of his nose the second his brain comprehended the 'getting any' comment and its meaning.  
  
Heero, however, simply smirked and reclined further into the plush sofa. "And I thought Duo was horny..." he murmured. Duo grinned in reply, chuckling softly.  
  
"Damn. Now I got competition!" And he began to laugh out right, with Heero simple smiling. Which is, of course, his equivalency of 'laughing'.   



	4. Quatre Winner

DISCLAIMER: Must we do this over and over and over and over? Everyone KNOWS I don't own these dijin cuties. But ohhh, how I wish I did... *flies off into a brief fantasy of nonstop Heero+Duo, Trowa+Quatre, and Wu-kitty the sex kitten. ^.~* Ooooo... O.o  
PAIRING: Obviously the same as all the other times. I'm not bendable... unless it's a REALLY good fic, like that 'Dangerous Liaison' and its sequel. Then I could ignore it. But, alas, I am devoted to my one, true belief: 1x2 and 3x4. Wu-honey can be 5xSally, 6x5 (yum!), 13x5, 5x9, or even better... 13x6x5x9 ^___^ Wu-baby is such a slut. *muses burst into silent giggles*  
WARNINGS: Awwww, but it would be SUCH a spoil! ^.^ Actually, I'm not sure if noridine is real... Confused? You know what to do! *grins brightly*  
  
  
Allergies: Quatre Winner  
Kel  
Part 4/5  
  
  
"103.2 degree's F," clucked Duo Maxwell after a moment of studying the thermometer, finally pulling the little nifty gizmo from his delightfully cute face. He clapped the sniffling Arabian on the shoulder with one hand and ruffled his hair with the other. "It's official, Little-Q. You're sick."  
  
The blonde youth groaned pitifully, but the effort was lost as it sent him into another fit of deep, rusty, and let us not forget VERY nasty coughs. He knew something was wrong ever since he woke from an empty bed earlier that day with a headache like there was no tomorrow. Ever since then he'd been rotating between wandering around to kill time, napping, and occastionally wallowing in his misery. Sure doesn't get any better than that...  
  
He'd been dreading the possibility of sickness all that day, and having the little hypothesis confirmed didn't make him feel the least bit better. //And it HAD to be the day when Trowa and the others left...// He let that disappointed thought trail off. Trowa had to leave with Heero and Wufei very early in the morning, and they weren't expected back for another three days. Not only had that left him with Duo --God help him-- ALONE, it left him with Duo when he was sick.  
  
The author repeats: God help him.  
  
//This day will not be one of my better ones,// Quatre mused mentally. During that time Duo had been shifting noisily through the medicine cabinets, every once and a while muttering an exclamatory under his breath or "Not this, or this... maybe this... no, too many side effects..." and the sorts. After five minutes of this, which Quatre sat through with all of his patience on front, Duo exclaimed "Aha!" and reappeared with a bottle of... something in one hand. The pilot of Sandrock couldn't help but feel a might weary (with good reason!) of anything Duo deemed 'good enough' to work. The braided boy's methods were somewhat... eccentric when it came to playing nurse. At best. //Poor Heero...// Quatre shivered mentally, remembering that one time...  
  
Ah. Another story, another time.  
  
"What's that?" Quatre was momentarily amazed with his acting. He actually sounded CALM, no matter how nervous the grin on Duo's face made him. //Amazing,// Quatre marveled. //Simply amazing. I should have been an actor...// Sigh. Too late for that... Or was it? Hmm...  
  
"Medicine," the long-haired boy chirped whilst struggling with the child-proof cap. Qautre once remembered a time when he was seven. That was the last time he was sick, mind you. No matter how hard the servants tried, they simply could NOT get the child-proof cap off of the medicine bottle. After everyone tired of the 'game', Quatre had simply reached for the bottle, picked it up, twisted, and *pop!*. The cap was off. So surprised were the adults... Everyone had a good laugh about how the bottles were more adult-proof than child-proof.  
  
ANYway... *pop!* went the cap, and the bottle was finally open. Duo grinned brightly and pour a teaspoon full of the thick, gooey substance into the little cap. "This stuff is supposed take your temperature down and stop the sickness from getting much worse, in case it does. Y'know?" Quatre could have SWORN his braid-baring friend had added a very quiet and unsure "I think" to the sentence... but before he could question it..."Bottoms up!" The blonde's mouth, being open at the time, was filled with stuff that he had automatically swallowed, feeling and tasting the bitter, disgusting brew as it slowly --too slowly-- made its path down his throat. Blanching, Quatre took the bottle of the stuff from Duo's lax fingers and began to read the prescription in very little interest. His eyes bugged, however, when it hit him.  
  
"Duo," Quatre squeaked, "this is noridine!"  
  
"Yeah. So?"  
  
"So?! I'm ALLERGIC to noridine!" the small blonde howled in anguish. "I'm going to have ugly rashes and my organs will swell up!..." He developed a brief image of Trowa seeing him as a bloated blonde in SD form, and paled in horror. "I need to get to the emergency room, ASAP!"  
  
"... Oops..." Duo sweated, immediately set out for a search of those dag-nabbed car keys that had somehow winded up lost. "Eheheheheh.... Sorry?" //Ma~a~an, Trowa's gonna kill me for this...// moaneth Duo mentally. "Let's find those DAMNED car keys..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
LATER  
  
"You're a very lucky boy, Mr. Whitaker," the doctor said after his examination, using one of Quatre's many alias'. "You came just in time to stop the effects. No one this day and age uses noridine anymore." The doctor smiled at the blushing Arabian gently to take the mock-scold out of his tone.  
  
The Winner heir smiled politely. "Yes, I know. Thank you very much, Dr. Ross."  
  
"You're welcome, young man. And try not to make this a habit, ne?"  
  
Quatre's pink cheecks darkened to red and he nodded in reply to the amused doctor. He met the amolst frantic Duo in the lobby and couldn't help but to smile softly. The other boy was pacing nervously, and from the looks of things he'd been bothering some of the other patients too. More than a few of them were glaring openly at the Shinigami pilot, and the rest wouldn't even bother to look at him. The blonde angel cleared his throat, still feeling a bit under the weather even though he'd taken some _proper_ medicine, and began to cough.  
  
Duo pounced on the sound. "Q-man, you okay?! I didn't make it worse, did I?! You aren't in pain, are you?! What? What? What??"  
  
Quatre began to laugh, but quieted. It was not polite to laugh when someone was worried and nervous, especially friends. But by the look on Duo's face, he didn't mind at all. But still, he didn't laugh and replied, "I'm fine. Nothing serious to worry about, I assure you."  
  
The braided boy deflated in relief, his violet eyes floating upward in something Quatre assumed was a silent thank you to a prayer answered. In reality, Duo, not being all that religious was thinking more along of the lines of //Quatre's alive, Trowa isn't going to kill me... I'm safe as long as Quatre doesn't tell...// He wasn't afraid of the tall pilot, but the thoughts of lions, tigers, and bears... Brrr. Duo gulped, and rather loudly, too.  
  
The blonde, however, had no plan to let Trowa find out about anything. A loud-mouth or not, Duo Maxwell was a caring, entertaining friend. But he wasn't ABOUT to reassure Duo in any way. Let the boy stew for a day or two. //Maybe,// the blonde mused silently, //I can use this as insurance...// "Duo?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can we keep the place quiet for a few days? I'm still feeling under the weather..."  
  
"Sure thing, man, anything you say!"  
  
//Allah thank you for small miracles and mixed blessings...//  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kel: It's not long enough! *sniffs* Gotta add more, but what to do?... *suddenly grins evilly and begins typing, cackling madly* Wahahahah...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THREE DAYS LATER  
  
"Harder! Duo, pull harder!"  
  
A grunt. "I'm pulling as hard as I can!"  
  
Three exhausted pilots stopped dead in their tracks and simply stared at the front door of their latest safe house. The mission was a harsh one, yet it was accomplished. Trowa and Heero couldn't wait to get home to their lovers, and Wufei couldn't wait to curl up with a pair of ear muffs and simply meditate. So the reader can imagine how they reacted to the commotion inside. In other words, that Trowa flinched, Wufei's eyes widened, and... you know that little vein under Heero's left eye? It sort of... _flinched_.  
  
"Damnit! How could you get it stuck like this?! If Trowa finds out, he'll kill us!" Shuffle, shuffle. "Oh, no... They could be home any minute."  
  
"How do you think Heero will feel?! He'll be pissed I broke Trowa's little toy!"  
  
Now, Trowa is usually a very mild tempered little clown. On very few occasions had he EVER lost his temper, and those little tantrums were never in front of the other pilots for good reason. He had a reputation to keep, as much as he managed to act like he didn't particularly CARE about his rep.... He still had one, damn it, and he wanted to keep it! But hearing Duo say that... Well, it sort of pissed him off. Big time. Like I'm-going-into-a-psychotic-rage-ANY-second-now sort of pissed off. Yeah.  
  
Meanwhile Quatre could be heard snorting in irritation, a very Un-Quatre like thing to do. "You shouldn't have been PLAYING with his 'little toy' in the first place."  
  
Wufei felt a small, slow trickle run out of his left nostril. Irritated and highly uncomfortable, he squeezed said left nostril shut with his index finger and thumb. Absently he thought of Treize, Zechs and Noin... But he shook his violently. //What the hell am I THINKING?!//  
  
((NFA: Authors' Will is soooooo fun to abuse...))  
  
"Hmph. Maybe..." A pause. "If I push it in a little more..."  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
"Oh, jeez! Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah..." Quatre sighed. "What are we going to do? We can't just leave it like this!"  
  
"Tell me something I DON'T know. Hey, how about we try pulling it out together? That might work!"  
  
"Yeah, maybe... One. Two. Three!" Grunt, groan, and grunt.  
  
Heero decided he had enough. He was BEYOND angry. How could Duo DO this to him?! His first and only lover...! He thought Duo lo... lo... well, CARED for him enough that he wouldn't need another lover. And QUATRE! Of all people! The Japanese nut had nothing against the little blonde, but let's face it... Said little blonde had NO quality shared with Heero besides a good amount of leadership skills. And the blonde already HAD a lover...  
  
Wufei stood back and watched with mock disinterest and boredom. Inside, he had a feeling that this would prove MOST entertaining. At least, something to tell his grand kids. If he ever HAD grand kids, anyway...  
  
Trowa and Heero both pushed the door open at the same time and stalked in, ready and hopefully prepared for the scene they just KNEW they were going to face. Both stopped in their tracks when they saw what the two shortest pilots were up to.  
  
Boy, were they mistaken or what?  
  
Duo stood near the wall --fully clothed-- with both hands clasped around something that was obviously stuck in the wall. Quatre had one hand raised to his face, his index finger suckled by his mouth as he tugged on the same object stuck in the wall. Three pilots blinked. The other two had yet to notice their arrival.  
  
Duo grunted and finally stopped straining as he took his hands away from the 'object'. Quatre did the same with a tired sigh, revealing a long and familiar silver flute stuck in the wall.  
  
Quatre sighed. "Only you would be able to manage the impossible."  
  
"Hmph," 'hmph'ed Duo again, crossing his arms with an adorable Duo-pout. "This isn't working. Hey, what about I--" Duo turned and froze when he finally met the gaze of a relieved yet rarely angry looking Trowa, a furiously flushed Wufei, and a... well, simply furious looking Heero. "Uh, hi, guys! Wh-when did you get back?"  
  
Silence. You could hear a pen drop.  
  
"Uh, guys? What are you doing with that duct tape? Guys? Guys??"  
  
*Streeeetch!*  
  
"Eeep!" 


	5. Chang Wufei

DISCLAIMER: Should I be so lucky to own these delightful little cuties...! *sighs* But I don't. If I DID, I would most likely be Japanese. And I'm not, because I'm as pale as a sheet. Well, not quite as pale as a sheet, but it's close. ANYway, I'm not Japanese, I've never been to Japan, hell, my Japanese isn't even that good! Sooo.... I don't own the G-boys. Phooey. *pouts*  
PAIRINGS: 1x2, 3x4, and 5x? Ri~ight. I STILL haven't figured a good partner for Wu-baby. Possible mention of 5xM, though...  
WARNING: Hmmm... kind of Wu-torture... mental torture... Mention of afterlife, and all that jazz. Wuffie third-person POV!!  
  
  
Allergies: Chang Wufei  
Kel  
Part 5/5  
  
  
Chang Wufei was positive someone --Fate, Destiny, God himself-- loved to make his life and the lives of his fellow pilots miserable. He was, however, certain most of it was directed at HIM, for some unknown reason. It only made a strange sort of sense; he had been in more embarrassing and uncomfortable situations and nosebleeds in the same two months then he had EVER had. Why does he think that, you ask? Many, many examples...  
  
Reason 1: Constant moaning, sighing, and pleasure-screams during the night. Usually, he had no problem with that. If it got too loud, grab a pair of ear muffins and read till sleep came. If the walls began to vibrate, all he had to do was push the bed away from the wall. But for the last two months they had five different safe houses. All five of those safe houses had only three rooms, where the room with one bed was in between two rooms with two beds each. He couldn't honestly understand why they took the bedrooms on either side of him. He already KNEW who slept with whom. It wasn't any good trying to hide that little fact. And his ear muffins were... missing. Gone, suddenly, like they were never there.  
  
Ergo, sleepless nights.  
  
Reason 2: He couldn't stop thinking about Khushrenada, Marquise, and Noin. At first he pushed it off, assuming it was because of his well-known obsessive nature (yes, even HE know he could make a mountain out of a mole hill). He was angry that Khushrenada bested him in a duel, that Noin nearly caught him after he blew her base, and that Marquise... Well, he couldn't decide why he was annoyed with Marquise. Somehow he just got thrown in there. But it was unjust!  
  
Then the dreams came. Those awful, horrible, incredible lusty and wet dreams...  
  
Wufei was no homophobic. He had a few cousins of his own who were open to that door, and claiming such with four obviously in-love male friends that were more or less on par with him in a fight... Baaa~aaad idea. But he was not!... He couldn't be!...  
  
Damn. Now he couldn't deny it.  
  
Ah, but let's forget that. On to Reason 3: Allergies. Simple little things, completely and totally normal. Riiiiight. It was normal for Heero Yuy to suddenly come in with red eyes and a stuffy nose, Duo proclaiming his koibito was allergic to that horrid woman named Relena Peacecraft. Then Duo, not two weeks later, eating chocolate having to actually be goaded, and vomiting over his traditional outfit. Chocolate. Duo. Allergic. Yep, pretty normal stuff. Trowa allergic to hamsters? Hey, that was normal too! Wufei always suspected that the silent pilot was allergic to a kind of animal, his not-so-secret passion. And let's not forget just yesterday, when Duo let slip about Quatre's reaction to a medicine two and a half weeks prior. Wufei was surprised he never guessed it!  
  
The above paragraph, of course, is chock full of sarcasm. Of course.  
  
Reason 4: Three out of four of those situations involved being vomited on (Duo) or a severe case of blood lose by nose bleeding (Trowa and Quatre). That told Wufei a LOT. And it happened in numerical order. The Chinese pilot wasn't ignorant to this fact; not at all. The connections between their names, the numbers used by Oz given to their Gundams and them, and the Colonies each boy was from. Personally he thought it was some sort of big cosmic joke. But it became... too coincidental when the allergies struck. Heero Yuy of L1, pilot 01 of Gundam 01 was the first affected. Then Duo Maxwell of L2, pilot 02 of Gundam 02. Next Trowa Barton of L3, pilot 03 of Gundam 03. After that came Quatre Winner of L4, pilot 04 of Gundam 04. Apparently it was Chang Wufei of L5, pilot 05 of Gundam 05's turn. And he was not amused.  
  
"Achooo!" he sniffled, but didn't attempt to blow his runny nose on the Kleenex clenched in his right hand. He was spent from his constant sneezing, blowing, itchy eyed... oooh, he hated this...  
  
Chang Wufei was allergic to mid-spring. When the pollen was the worst, to be exact. And he had been sneezing since they arrived at the new safe house where the flowers grew plentiful and the pollen was at its worst. Rotating between moping, sulking, pouting, and sneezing was something of a normal day. Oh, the humility...  
  
Duo Maxwell could be heard trying to stifle the giggles he expressed. Unfortunately, the braided one was doing a terrible job of it. The Chinese pilot was beginning to think letting out those giggles were purposeful... Wufei cracked open one itchy ebony eye and GLARED at the braided boy.  
  
"Shut up, Maxwell," he snapped tiredly for the seventh time that day. "Need I remind you that YOU'RE allergic to chocolate?"  
  
"Need I remind you that I hurled projectile style all over you during that time?" quipped Duo sweetly. Wufei flinched; he needn't be reminded. Instead of replying he simply growled and shut that one eye before he could give into the impulse and kill the baka. Heero wouldn't like that, although Wufei couldn't understand why...  
  
The reader could imagine how happy Wufei was when Quatre Winner finally walked through the door with one bag in the crook of each arm. "Did you get them?" he inquired hopefully.  
  
Quatre smiled and nodded. "Yes, but it was hard... Duo, thanks for forging the prescription..." Wufei for the life of him couldn't understand why Heero Yuy had left them a note ordering them not to take Wufei to a doctor to get the pills he needed. Neither could any one of them, but they had complied and simply forged the doctor's signature. Duo, being the expert with forgery, did the job in less than an hour.  
  
"Hey, no problem, Q-man! Anything for Wu!" laughed the Shinigami pilot.  
  
"But Duo," Quatre protested with a pink ting to his cheeks, "Dr. Benning is a gynaecologist!"  
  
"ERK!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"That's why it took some doing to talk the man into giving me the medication," Quatre explained as he placed the bags on the coffee table. "I noticed when I passed the doctors office. It had it plainly printed on the plague outside. I was just lucky they had a new worker up there with no knowledge of it."  
  
"MaxWELL!" Wufei was PISSED. How DARE that braided moron embarrass him like that?! It was unjust! Degrading! Devious! "Omae o korosu!" Strangely, he didn't mind using Heero's line for once.  
  
"Wait! I signed Doc Wilkson, not Benning!" protested the pilot of Deathscythe. "I KNOW I signed Wilkson! I spent most of an hour trying to get his handwriting right!" //An hour I could have spent with Heero minus clothes...,// Duo didn't add, giving a moody mental snort.  
  
"He's right." Duo yelped at Trowa's smooth comment and cursed bluntly. The lanky pilot was leaning against the door frame in one of Heero's bad-ass poses, i.e. his arms were loosely crossed and one leg was bent, the flat of his foot supported against the frame. "I compared the real signature and the fake before I gave it to Quatre," Trowa explained further. "It was clearly signed J. Wilkson."  
  
"See?" Duo pointed out. "Told you!"  
  
"Then how the hell--?! Never mind!" Wufei said irritably, breaking out into another sneeze fit. "Why couldn't Heero just let me go to Wilkson in person?" groused the Chinese pilot.  
  
"What are you talking about?" questioned the Japanese pilot after appearing beside Trowa, directly in the doorway. He shrugged out of his over-shirt, having just gotten back from doing his weekly check up on his Gundam hidden three miles away. "I'm not keeping you from seeing a doctor. If it disrupts the mission, I encourage it."  
  
"But you left a note," Quatre stated in confusion, "telling Wufei specifically not to go to the doctor. We were all having breakfast when I found it pinned on the refrigerator. It was your handwriting and everything."  
  
Heero frowned, his brow wrinkling slightly in thought. "Iie. I didn't."  
  
Everyone suddenly turned their eyes to the braided boy sitting in the recliner. The boy blinked and looked around him in confusion. Seeing nothing really suspicious, he gulped and pointed to himself. "ME? Hey, I didn't do it!"  
  
"You could have," Trowa replied seriously. "You are our forger. You had a chance to forge Dr. Benning's signature and Heero's handwriting."  
  
Duo gapped at the lanky pilot that wasn't too long ago defending him. "But I didn't!"  
  
Wufei, poor boy, was close to tearing his hair out. Someone up there was surely getting their jollies out of making his life miserable. The phantom note, the supposedly incorrect prescription, the humiliation, the fact that his allergy caught up with him right after everyone else...  
  
The gods must truly be wicked beings, indeed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Somewhere in a place all humans known yet don't know, a young girl with wings was sitting at a computer terminal, a wicked gleam in her dark eyes as she finished typing in a few commands in the Computer of Fate. An unidentifiable figure appeared behind her, seemingly amused as she read a few lines.  
  
"Meiran."  
  
The winged girl jumped in surprise and stopped typing, slowly turning her head toward the tall figure, guilt apparently in her eyes. "Yes?"  
  
"Now," the figure started in a calm, soothing tone, pupiless eyes glowing with hidden mirth, "what did I say when I told you could take over my job for a few months, hmm?"  
  
Chang Meiran looked down in guilt, pouting. "Not to mess with my living husband's life and the lives of his friends." She peered back up with her dark brown bangs falling over her dark eyes. A small smile tilted one side of her mouth, giving her a lopsided grin. "He got what he deserved, though," she added as she threw one of her two braids over her shoulder.  
  
The figure smiled, still trying to look disapproving and failing miserably. "That is for me to decide, young one. Now, shoo! I have work to do."  
  
Meiran smiled and cackled slightly before fluttering her wings and flying out of the chair. Waving good-bye to Fate, she quickly exited the establishment made of gold, laughing all of the way. Fate's head shook slightly, chuckling slightly as the figure sat in the chair in front of the monitor. For a while she sat at the computer, reading over the job her apprentice had done. And Fate began to laugh and laugh, full of humor and warmth...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Down on the mortal plain of Earth, Change Wufei sneezed. "Damn it! Where's my medication?!" he demanded as he shifted and plundered through one of the bags Quatre had brought home. The little blonde boy looked confused.  
  
"The pills should be in there..."  
  
"DAMNIT! Do the gods hate me?!  
  
"I dunno, Wu-man... You're a pretty easy guy to hate, what with that holier-than-thou attitude and whatnot."  
  
"Shut UP, Maxwell..."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
OWARI  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kel: 'Tis done! 'Tis done! 'Tis really, really done! *cackles* Personally I like this one best... Oh, and I also went back and corrected all my mistakes. Aren't I cool? *grins* I's too lazy to do it last time... Hehehe. Anyway, reviews are still encouraged! *chibifies* It shows you LOVE me! Bawahahahahah! *dechibifies* Be on the look out for more of my fics... Trust me, I've been told I get enough laughs to make an unintentional humor writer...  
  
Ja! 


End file.
